STAFF LOUNGE PASS
Two Plans. One Substitute.
Mr. Pemberton works for free, mostly. But the laminated case files cost extra.
SUBSTITUTE PASS
Free
Forever. He's not getting paid anyway.
- ✓2 case files per day
- ✓Real Claude behavioral analysis
- ✓1 illustrated chalkboard portrait
- ✓Dice + Q&A flow
- ✓Shareable replay URLs
- ✓Browse the public gallery
No card needed.
★ Premium
VETERAN STAFF PASS
$2.99 one-time
Pay once. Mr. Pemberton stays late.
- ★Unlimited case files
- ★Full 4-panel photo-booth grid
- ★Audio narration by Mr. Pemberton
- ★Vet-ready PDF download
- ★Private cases (off the gallery)
- ★Veteran Substitute mode
FAQ
Why $2.99?
Mr. Pemberton chose it. He says it's “the cost of one of those big pretzels at the staff lounge vending machine, plus tax.”
Is the diagnosis real?
It's a genuine behavioral analysis using established frameworks. It is NOT a substitute for an actual vet visit. Bring the PDF — your vet will appreciate the homework.
Refunds?
If Mr. Pemberton lets you down, email us. He'll pretend not to notice while we issue it.